i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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