He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
