when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
