Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
high people should be assigned attendants
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
