im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
