there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
