Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
