My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
