Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
