well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
smell my finger.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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