Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The best revenge is premature balding
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
