guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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