I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
