but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
