Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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