When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Boobs speak an international language.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
