We're facebook friends in real life
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
