Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
