There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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