For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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