Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
