So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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