from now on my penis is your penis
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
