grandma shit on top of the toilet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
