What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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