She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
