Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
