I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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