I have demons in me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
