Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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