apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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