just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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