i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
