i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
