There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We left the knife in your bed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
