"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
