I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
