Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
