i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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