dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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