I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
