is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
