and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
