is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
two words: eviction party
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
