Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
