his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
