no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I party with great urgency now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
