she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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