I just pynch a tree in the face
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
