I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
