just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
