someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
